Dancing Bear Variety Hour

#114: Carpathia Ep. 7, “Space Files of a Private Dick”

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 05:20:06 +0000

…or “When I’m Gone Perry Me Deep”

A shadowy hacker has crashed the Carpathia’s computer and James Perry, private detective is on the case! Trading his pilot’s cap for a weatherbeaten fedora, Perry prods the ship’s seamy underbelly in pursuit of the one thing it seems money can’t buy: the truth. Will the stalwart first officer solve the mystery in time to salvage the Captain’s trade negotiations? Where does Ollie’s vidya game fit in all this? Why did Korgath cancel yoga? And who the hell is Lorraine?

Scott Ross – Captain Jack Derby, Merchant Dhe’Zeen
Phil Garland – Lt. James Perry
Justin Wilson – Ensign Ollie Klozerhoff, Korgath, Mortimer the Robutler
Sara Leavens – Faye Chinsky
Sara Kennedy – Lorraine Bain, Computer

#113: Sketches, Vol 6

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 06 Apr 2014 01:06:23 +0000

Ever ask what rap would be like if the lyrics were rewritten to be children’s songs? Of course you have! And we did it! This spiritual episode starts with New God Flow, to new age mental aggression, to the Old God Flow – meaning friendly religious fundamentalists from Kansas.

1. Kid Hop!

2. Psychic Frenemies Network

3. Westboro Baptist Church Advertisement

#112: USS Carpathia Ep. 6, “A.I.’m Not Okay (I Promise)”

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 16 Mar 2014 02:37:09 +0000

…or “With Apologies to Harlan Ellison”

After receiving a hail from a planetary supercomputer, the Carpathia makes a stop at the run-down planet Bouniffalia. Eager to partake in alternative shore leave, Lt. Perry sets about building walls for wall-less locals. After Faye and Korgath ditch him for the planet’s volcanic spas, he teams up with a suspicious missionary from ReligiCorp. Meanwhile Ollie and Capt. Derby evaluate the artificial intelligence for personhood – though they’re more interested in assailing it with their personal beliefs.

Scott Ross – Captain Jack Derby, Father Matheson
Phil Garland – Lt. James Perry
Justin Wilson – Ensign Ollie Klozerhoff, Korgath, Bouniffle Mayor
Sara Leavens – Engineer Faye Chinsky, Artie the A.I.

#111: Sketches, Vol 5

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 02 Mar 2014 03:38:49 +0000

Dancing Bear Variety Hour is on the road this episode, with sketches about Detroit cops, wild boars from Los Angeles, the return of Chopper Claude as a New York tour guide, and the tallest buildings in Topeka, Kansas.

1. RoboDeskCop

2. The Vault: The Great Los Angeles Boar Stampede

3. Tallest Building in Topeka Awards, March Edition

4. Tour Guide Claude in New York

#110: USS Carpathia Ep. 5, “When a Man Loves a Female Member of a Plant-like Alien Species”

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 03:18:14 +0000

…or “The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Menelaeans”

The crew enjoys a layover on an orbiting casino, until a rowdy gang of Menelaeans burst in and accuse Derby of kidnapping their captain’s daughter! Determined to stop an ill-advised wedding, the rival captains team up and pursue the love-struck couple across a grand tour of Tallinor Prime’s most romantic locales. Meanwhile, Faye helps Korgath experience the human activity known as gambling.

Scott Ross – Captain Jack Derby, Gleek’ta Nur Finsal
Phil Garland – Lt. James Perry, Pelanixor Nim Finsal
Justin Wilson – Ollie, Korgath
Sara Leavens – Engineer Faye Chinsky

#109: Sketches, Vol 4

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sat, 08 Feb 2014 05:01:49 +0000

A pile of sketches that put familiar characters in unfamiliar situations, beginning with the shadowy union of cult TV and, well, cults. Also, a group of three stooges man a missile silo, a PSA from the new supervillain in town, and Khalid Sheik Mohammed is a sportscaster!

1. 197th Quarterly Meeting of the Sacred Whovian Order

2. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Presents Sochi Winter Olympics With Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

3. Nuclear Stooges

4. Dangerpus Industries is Coming to Town!

#108: USS Carpathia Ep. 4, “A Christmas Peril, Pt 2”

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 22 Dec 2013 02:04:19 +0000

…or “The Greatest LifeDay Ever Told”

Winner, Best Special Broadcast – Radio, College Broadcasters Inc 2014 Student Production Awards

After returning to the Carpathia, Derby witnesses his crew’s LifeDay celebrations and the hardships caused by his selfishness. Stricken with grief and anger, Derby is presented one final vision – that of LifeDay future. The Grand Galactic Witnessinger shows Derby the terrible fate that awaits him if he does not change his arrogant ways. Having seen the importance that LifeDay holds to those around him, will Derby repent and in time?

Scott Ross – Captain Jack Derby
Phil Garland – Lt. James Perry, Grand Galactic Witnessinger
Justin Wilson – Ollie, Korgath, Hans
Sara Leavens – Engineer Faye Chinsky, The Judge

#107: USS Carpathia Ep. 4, “A Christmas Peril, Pt 1”

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 08 Dec 2013 01:34:26 +0000

…or “The Greatest LifeDay Ever Told”

Winner, Best Special Broadcast – Radio, College Broadcasters Inc 2014 Student Production Awards

It’s holiday season aboard the Carpathia, but Captain Derby is in no mood to celebrate. After cancelling LifeDay leaves for the entire crew and isolating himself in his quarters he is visited by the ghost (?) of Dr. Tobayashi, who warns him an emissary from a grand galactic race, is coming to teach him the true meaning of LifeDay. Upon arrival, the Grand Galactic Witnessinger presents Captain Derby with scenes of LifeDay past, showing him how he lost his holiday spirit and became the bitter, selfish man he is today.

Scott Ross – Captain Jack Derby
Phil Garland – Lt. James Perry, Grand Galactic Witnessinger
Justin Wilson – Ollie, Korgath, Chaz Remmington, Mr. Derby
Sara Leavens – Engineer Faye Chinsky, Deborah, Admiral Nevers, Mrs. Derby

#106: USS Carpathia Ep. 3, “Reunited and it Feels so Awkward”

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 24 Nov 2013 04:19:04 +0000

…or “Homeward Bound and Gagged”

The crew of the Carpathia returns to AstroBase HQ in glamorous Colorado Springs. Lt. Perry attempts to reconcile with family, Captain Derby makes time for the night life, and Engineer Chinsky crosses paths with an old Academy classmate. Hard decisions must be made when Faye must choose between duty and friendship, Perry considers returning to the family farm, and Derby weighs the pros and cons of late checkout.

Scott Ross – Captain Jack Derby, Dr. Pierre Cromerrety, Randall Joseph Perry III
Phil Garland – Lt. James Perry, Trisha Yeardsley
Justin Wilson – Ollie, Korgath, Ma Perry
Sara Leavens – Engineer Faye Chinsky

#105: Sketches, Vol. 3

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 10 Nov 2013 03:46:35 +0000

Bringing you the story of a humble wombat turned folk music legend, a celebrity appearance at a local elementary and one sensitive youth’s public radio documentary about life in the Midwest. Plus, the Tallest Building in Topeka Awards and our foray into opening monologues!

1. Opening Monologue by Sara Leavens

2. Mitchel, The Harmonica-Playing Wombat

3. Woody Allen Reading Series

4. “River of Love”

5. Tallest Building in Topeka Awards

#104: USS Carpathia Ep. 2, “Bazaar Love Triangle”

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sat, 26 Oct 2013 17:06:04 +0000

…or, “So Close and Yet so Balkovaar.” In the thrilling second installment of our science fiction adventure, a breakdown strands the Carpathia conveniently near a planet with a healthy aerospace industry. Derby and Faye attempt to blend in with local culture to find the parts they need while Lt. Perry and visiting Xenoanthropologist Hans set about repairing the engine – but end up repairing themselves. Kind of.

Scott Ross – Captain Jack Derby/Balkovaar King
Phil Garland – Lt. James Perry/Guard
Justin Wilson – Ollie/Hans/Scooter/Shopkeeper
Sara Leavens – Engineer Faye Chinsky/Balkovaarians

#103: Sketches, Vol. 2

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 13 Oct 2013 01:41:48 +0000

This round of sketches brings you our take on fantasy football, Dorian Gray as a modern scenester because everyone loves Victorian lit references, and a surprising number of broadcast genre spoofs.
1. The Instagram of Dorian Gray, Chapter 1
2. Time to Wake Up Topeka
3. Live Segment: Listener Emails
4. Chopper Claude
5. Conan the Egalitarian
6. Live Segment: Fantasy Fantasy Football Draft
7. Sports Yak
8. The Instagram of Dorian Gray, Chapter 2
9. Tallest Building in Topeka Awards

#102: USS Carpathia, Ep. 1 “Ambitious Pilot”

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 29 Sep 2013 01:40:04 +0000

…or, “GURPetology 101.” Here we bring you our first ever episode of The Adventures of the USS Carpathia in Outer Space. Originally broadcast on KJHK in September 2013, it introduces the intrepid crew of the Carpathia as they seek to unravel the mystery of heroic Chaz Remmington’s disappearance while testing Dr. Tobayashi’s vaunted Ambition Drive.

As these posts are being backdated after doing the show for seven months, it bears noting that this first episode was originally written for a science fiction literature class – part of our focus was playing up the tropes and cliches of the genre. So beyond the usual episode one clunkiness, there’s some questionable racial/gender humor intended to satirize the stereotypes we found in a lot of older SF. It doesn’t really play if you aren’t “in on it” and we’ve happily developed beyond that as we’ve continued.

Also, Faye says “Star Fleet” which is really embarrassing.

Written by Scott Ross, Justin Wilson, and Phil Garland

Scott Ross – Captain Jack Derby
Phil Garland – Lt. James Perry/Schwarzy
Justin Wilson – Ollie/Chaz Remmington/Dr. Tobayashi
Sara Leavens – Engineer Faye Chinsky

#101: Sketches, Vol. 1

Ross, Wilson & Garland — Sun, 15 Sep 2013 00:34:57 +0000

It’s our first episode ever! This compendium of sketches features our first foray into radio comedy, and introduces some soon-to-be-familiar material including Peter Carson, verbally abusive gameshow host, and the Tallest Building in Topeka Awards! This episode originally aired on KJHK 90.7fm in September 2013.

1. A Muppet Catcher in the Rye
2. Bob Dylan Reading Series
3. Win, Lose or Draw – Radio Edition
4. Radio Adventures with Burt Kazerac!
5. Big Bang Theory Firing Squad
6. Tallest Building in Topeka Awards

All content written, recorded, and produced by Scott Ross, Justin Wilson, and Phil Garland. Additional voices by Sara Leavens.